Most of my life, I was mischaracterized. I grew up near Chicago, a die hard horror fan, watching the Sci Fi channel and Lake Michigan waves. My family watched horror, and I went to the beach with friends. As a kid, I took field trips to the Indiana Dunes. I learned, if I wasn’t careful, a tide could take hold of my body, effortlessly, slamming me — face first — into Her polluted seafloor.

At 23-years-old, I went there too. It wasn’t a field trip, nor friendly. It was horrific.

I’d known men like him before. After a day long hike, we returned to his station wagon.

He read his line: “He had trouble driving at night. We’ll have to sleep here instead”.

I had no phone signal. It wasn’t a field trip. I was someone’s scared child. No stranger to danger, my cellular waves cascaded. This man, a rising tide. My mind, slammed – face first – into hard and cold fear. I didn’t love his horror.

As he drove us to a parking lot by the lake, I mentally rehearsed my lines. My character couldn’t let him know their thoughts. I’d been cast in this role before: don’t let him learn who you are. He wasn’t the first main character I’d listened and fawned for. I could do that in my sleep.

He suggested we swim. I changed clothes, he invaded my privacy. My line read: “laugh”.

I walked onto the sand, and he lifted me up onto his shoulders, like prey, running us into that familiar Midwest lake.

I’d laid next to similar monsters before. He horror showed me, I couldn’t run or fight him. I knew what weightless danger felt like. Yet, a part of me wished the lake would take hold and mercy kill me, instead.

That night, I starred in a horror movie. He attacked me, and before I fell back asleep, I accepted the likelihood of my imminent death. I’d seen enough to know men like him leave birds like me in deep waters and woods.

Then, it occurred to me. He didn’t know who I was. He mischaracterized me too. I needed to act my part: I was a “woman”, in love.

For days, I acted. And, so did he, violently.

Years passed.

I told a therapist and a paralegal about surviving him. Those actors read lines too: “Most rapists walk free.”