📺Love & Anarchy📺

You know
It was

Quite
Obvious
To me

You and
Her have
Your own
Past.

—-

I read it
Off both
Your faces
Instantly.

I felt the
Tension,

Seeing you
Look at her

the Same
Way You
Look At me.

—-

I felt her
Presence,

Nurturing
Pinpricks,

A spine of
Solid Metal
Betrayal.

—-

Once I’d
Learned
They’d
Never met

It only
Solidified

All my
Hunches.

—-

The three
Of us,

Standing
There in
That hall,

Coalesced

By the
Burning
Nova of
Your gaze.

—-

Did you get
What you
Wanted from
Each of us?

My mind

Sacrifices
My heart

At the
Altar of
My tongue.

—-

It damns off
The absolute

Bloodbaths
Of adoration

Anxiously
Circulating

Through
My Veins.

—-

I[t] know[s]
Better.

My systems
Need
Something

To keep
Us Running.

—-

I[t] know[s]
We have
Poured

Ourselves
Entirely OUT

For men
Before;

& Ended up
Nearly dead.

ForGiving my Being

The energies
In my body

Communicate
Unspeakable
Intentions

In Moments
When My mouth
Isn’t Quite ready.

—-

When I speak
Deep truths,

My throat burns
Red with Release.

—-

In moments
I speak from
My heart,

The surface of
My chest
Radiates brightly;

In brazen
Disregard of the

Shame placed
Upon my feelings
That pass therein.

—-

Don’t be fooled
When my face
And mouth seal.

My body takes
Me upon myself
To Compensate.

—-

The whole of me
Does not hesitate
To spill entirely
Out for you.

Eye’m so Hungry

To be
Seen
By you
Again.

I would
Give
Almost
Anything

Just to
Gaze
At you
Briefly.

Our gazes
Were Always
Like touches.

—-

The intimacy
Between us
Is a palpable
Thing.

—-

Though

Cocooned

Behind lids
Now,

Eventually
Our I’s

will
burst
Through

To light
Again,


born anew,

Even more
Beautiful
Than before.

A/S/L?

One of
The first
most
Intimate
Things

I recollect
Growing up
Was once
I fell and
Scraped
My knee
On some
pavement

And this
Neighborhood
Boy

Who I was
Best friends with
At the time

Took me
Into his
Garage,

Pulled out
His
First aid,

And applied
A band-aid
To my knee.

I felt so
Cared for

In a way
Until that point

I’d Only,
maybe,
Gotten from
My mother,
Otherwise.

I think
My little brain
Didn’t know

Quite
How to
handle it.

As we got older
People picked
On him because
He was gay, and
it was the 2000s.

—-

In hindsight,

I have a
Series of male
Love interests
That all
Ended up

Coming out
As gay.

Like,
My first ever
Celebrity
Crush was
Elton John…

He was on
The muppets
With those
Star glasses

That,
Apparently,
made my five
-Year-old heart
Pitter-patter.

My mother
And sister
Used to laugh
At me,

Before I
even knew
What gay
Meant.

My body
Doesn’t
Know the
Difference.

—-

When I
was Twelve
I fell in love
With a weird
Little boy
Who sat
In front of me
In biology.

He hated me,
For some reason.

And that
Really
Intrigued me.

I’d sit there,
Crushing hard
At the back of
His head
Like the
Total Dweeb
That I still am.

Coincidentally,
AIM just began
And everyone
Had a new
screen name.

I took my chances
And sent a list
Around biology
asking for everyone’s
Just to really get his.

I got his: dadakidsomething90

Eventually,
I Mustered
The preteen
courage
To even
Message him.

We grew closer
And became secret
Best friends
Of sorts.

He had this
saying
he lived by:

The more things change,
The more they stay the same.

We would tell
Each other
Almost everything,

But barely
Talked in person.

—-

A year or so passed
And I turned eleven.

As luck
Would have it
My parents won
The little lotto:
$50,000.

My cut was
a computer
For my room.

That allowed
Countless nights
Of messaging;

continuing on
Strong Even
Through high school.

As it goes,
We went to our
Separate colleges.

But occasionally
stay in touch,
Even to this day.

Last year was my
10 year high school
Reunion.

He didn’t
end up showing,

But I learned
From an old
Classmate there
that He Finally
Came out as gay.

I guess,

The more
things change,
The more things
Really do
stay the same.

Afterlife

I was
And
I wasn’t,
Then.

I Lied deep
Inside me;

Crawl
Creep and
Cry free.

I die to
Remind me.

I lived
All
The life
I had,

And
This
Is the
Afterlife;

The laughter life,
The-He after lIfe
The aft her life
Thee apter life,
For me.

My heart Is a full Glass.

I pour
Over me,

attempt
To empty

Myself.

Laid on
My Side

The sad

overflows
my rib cage;

Suffocating
And stifling
breathe.

My limbs,

Heavily strewn
Channels

Streamed

Across my desk,

The glass

Remains

full.

How to Say

When you
Aren’t

Allowed
To say

Anything.

Step One:

Fucking don’t.

Do not
do

The saying.

I swear
toFucking
God,

If you
do

So
Help
Me.

Step two:

Close
Your lips.

Make them
Two too taut

[but secretly]

Tasty
Turnips.

So hard
And dry

No one
Wants
To put them

Anywhere
near

Their mouth.

Step Three:

All else fails,

Bite your
Lips off

Entirely.

Whatever
You do,

Do not
Begin

The process

In
front Of

anyone;

For fear,

They could
Get

the Wrong
idea.