menticanic

a racing mind
can’t excelerate
without a course
to ride on.

the oil spots
leak down
through
your veins

pollute and
inflame
the muscles
with stress.

the cars
must be
put away
sometime.

clear the roads,
wash the
state of them.

sit in
the absence,
and breathe.

Nobody

Craves a
fucking salad.

chop me up
and throw
me into
your mouth,

crunch down
on me
and swallow

eating me
will not
nourish you
[but that
isn’t what
you’re
going for]

sweetheart,

i will not
make you
beautiful

but you
will love
me for it.

Crisp

Blaine

i don’t
remember you
most of the time.

It was
2005, or 6

& you worked
at Starbucks.

I didn’t
remember
your name,
but you
knew mine.

you messaged me
on AIM, like
we did back then.

I was
inexperienced,
and you knew
just
what to say.

i didn’t
especially
like you,

but you had
a strong jaw
and my
expectations
were low

-if not,
nonexistent.

you invited
me over
to go in
your hot tub
late at night.

i arrived,
and you said
your father
was away
on business

but your
grandmother
was asleep,

so we’d,

“have to
be quiet.”

i didn’t know
what I wanted,

I was
only 15.

between
pleasureless
probing,

gasps
for air,

and tears

i thought,

“is this what
boys want?”

i learned how
to leave myself
that night;

revert my
consciousness
back into
safe headspace,

“this is what
boys want.”

10 reasons Why

for
too long
has the
female body
been
conditioned
to mute
and edit
itself
for the
male gaze
.

for instance,
it is
unlady-like
to admit
releasing
in all forms

from traditionally
imposed pressures

1.farting/shitting/menstruating
2.burping,
3.being angry,
4.speaking up
for oneself,
5.really,
asserting
any action
upon
another
[unless
it is
to be
fetishized
by/for
male eyes],
6.growing
body hair,
7.shamelessly
having sex
for ones
own pleasure,
8.moaning
naturally
-NOT
in the way
performed
during
mainstream
porn,
9.leaving
a mess,
10.not
dressing up
ones body.

this shit
list
is as long
as the
systemic mouth
that continues
to feed
it’s dreadful
ideological
body,”

I thought
as I
-slipped
into my
bathwater

letting out
a gutteral
sigh
of pleasure

for
no one
but, myself.