Craves a
fucking salad.
chop me up
and throw
me into
your mouth,
crunch down
on me
and swallow
eating me
will not
nourish you
[but that
isn’t what
you’re
going for]
sweetheart,
i will not
make you
beautiful
but you
will love
me for it.
—
You checked
on my door
expanding
With heat.
i could
make you
wooden door
in the
summer time,
but I
didn’t
kiss you.
—
you were
leaving
and said,
“so this
is the bike
you carry
up and down
3 flights
of stairs.”
i thought,
“yes, I am
looking
at him;
have yet
to ride it.”
i remember
it looked
like a
smashed
strawberry
when the
gynecologist
pryed the
tampon
out of me.
I was a
20 year old
Raped
in my
childhood
bedroom
by a boy who
used “i love you”‘s
like a
trojan horse.
—
three days
later,
I didn’t
remember.
trauma does
that to you
[even though
for some,
sexual assault
is a punch-line
these days].
—
lying back
Stirruped feet,
i was just
as surprised
as the doctor
who gutted
the rotten
tissue-soaked
cotten from me.
they told me,
“you should
have been
dead of
toxic shock.”
they couldn’t
see it, but,
a part
of me
was dead.
—
He ended
up cheating
on me
because I
withheld sex
from him.
[after the fact]
“Boys will be boys,”
Right?
—
the couple
that live
below me
having
loud sex
was the
alarm
this morning.
i turn
music on
to drown out
the woman moans
and furniture
clanking.
|
|
|
|
|
the destruction
ceases.
i hear
one of them
turn on
the shower.
i guess
it’s time
to wake up.
since
call out
i have been
rehearsing
for this
role.
show, me.
remind me
we are
built
of friction;
rubbed
and grinded
alive.
—
perform your
frustrations
on me
center stage.
what tale
do our bodies
have
to show
us
of
trapped want?
characterize
me
[censorship
obsolesced]
i want
to hear
myself
express
freely.
—
why do we
name
release
“selfish”?
are we
not
human
worthy
of contact?
do we not
deserve
to hear
and be
heard?
if we are
meant
to be
disgusting,
fulfilling-ly;
color me
flush’d
volunteer.
fit parts
others
do not want
inside me,
play them
through me.
—
“for
too long
has the
female body
been
conditioned
to mute
and edit
itself
for the
male gaze.
for instance,
it is
unlady-like
to admit
releasing
in all forms
from traditionally
imposed pressures
1.farting/shitting/menstruating
2.burping,
3.being angry,
4.speaking up
for oneself,
5.really,
asserting
any action
upon
another
[unless
it is
to be
fetishized
by/for
male eyes],
6.growing
body hair,
7.shamelessly
having sex
for ones
own pleasure,
8.moaning
naturally
-NOT
in the way
performed
during
mainstream
porn,
9.leaving
a mess,
10.not
dressing up
ones body.
this shit
list
is as long
as the
systemic mouth
that continues
to feed
it’s dreadful
ideological
body,”
I thought
as I
-slipped
into my
bathwater
letting out
a gutteral
sigh
of pleasure
for
no one
but, myself.
the
fifty-something
couple
below me
have more
[loud] sex
than me.
they
have accents,
smoke
cigarettes,
and I
hate them.
[tho maybe,
they are
something-like
happy.]
—
I,
late
twenty-something
shut-in,
am
decidedly
not
settling
for a partner
just fine
enough.
[for now]
I have
[quiet] sex,
alone,
Which may
Sound sad
In reading.
[tho maybe,
I am
happy too]
