My mothers lungs
have tranformed
into sponge’d glass
slowly
Filling themselves;
Accumulating
In their bottoms.
suffocation
Slowly creeps
Up her vines
where air
used to live.
it did go
in and out,
i saw it
happen;
dwelling
effortlessly
in her pause.
[but not
anymore]
I left
the teapot
on
not hearing
it whistle
long enough
to burn it
again.
—
by the time
i remembered
i had to
pry its
hot metal
bottom
from sautered
spiral prison.
hope it
will
forgive me
[salvage
charless tasting
oatmeal water]
For forgetting
about it
while it
killed itself
on burner.
—
lying
in bed
i hear it
whistling
placebo;
[we could
have ruined
it this time]
A guilt
calloused
melody
of sorrow.
The peeping tom
has taken up
running or biking
whatever it is
that requires
two-piece spandex
body suits
and frequenting
my coffee shop
since I moved.
—
when I feel
his eyes on me
staring
as I sit at
my table,
or staring
as I enter
from a walk;
I would rather
take an
orangepeeler
to my skin,
leatherworking
an abaya from
my own flesh
then be
seen.
Last night
i scaled
a tower
being built
as I
went up
in its
elevator.
when
the door
opened
it revealed
a single-tile
floor,
leaving
space for
two feet.
—
a passenger
in the lift,
remarked
Anxiously,
“this
building
is made
entirely
of books,
how unsafe.”
the other
[testing
the tile
with a
foot]
Depressingly
warned,
“if you
distribute
your weight
wrong,
it
and you
will
surely
fall.”
—
i stepped
out onto
the textual
platform
leaned
backward
and
free fell
face-up.
i had
that dream,
again;
where I’ve
been drugged.
I always
learn
After
the fact.
there is
nothing
I can do
now,
but wait.
then,
someone
is trying
to kill me.
sexual assault
PTSD
is always
fear
of being
caught,
again.
your mind
will not
let you
forget.
—
i have to
cut off
their limbs
with a knife
once
knocking
them
to the
ground.
[they can
always
reach me]
they grow
back together
if not
[sufficently]
sliced up.
my mind is
-familiar
in how
caught
vulnerabilty
feels.
—
last night
i told the
attackers,
“that’s not
fair-
-growing
back together
that way”
[like the
structure
was meant
to protect
you
inspite
of me]
“life isn’t
fair”
they reply.
Before
you get
ahead of
yourself,
it isnt
unusual
for me
to tie
my insides
in knots
preparing
for a
chase.
Do not
mistake
my lack
of ease
over
-you
as
over-inflated
self-grandeur.
My body
has
-always
reacted to
interacting
with it’s
outside world
like the
impending
attack of
a lion.
—
Symptom
When
on a walk
Without
glasses
you get
a glimpse
of a
tall shrub
but,
blurry eyes
see instead,
a predator.
—
parasympathetic
nervous system
ally frost mage
casts
flash freeze on
your heart
for protection.
it
doesn’t
feel
bad?
exactly.
you know
the feeling,
Breezy night
hands
hugged
lovingly
around
the organ
responsible
for running
you.
adrenal glands
send their
damp chill
lightning-strike
reminder
–you do
want
to live.
—
one)
love is a
many pronged creature
it doesn’t know
it’s own name
it is homeless
even if you build walls around it
it is afraid of you
it has experienced
this world
if you try
to call out to it
it will cock
it’s head
at you
like the
lost thing
it is
it’s exterior
of wet soap
a greased pig
it cannot clean you
do not
chase
after
it
now matter
how delicious
it does
not
want
to be
captured
it does
not
want
to capture
two)
there are
copycat manifestations
like
poisonous mushrooms
they will
walk it’s walk
display
it’s features
you will taste
something
wrong of them
you will
ignore it
it will
slowly
kill you
like alcoholism
you will
relish
every drop
of sweat
it rings
itself out
to produce
quenching
your thirst
for it
three)
fools
will try
to cage it
they believe
it owes them
something
they are
wrong
instead:
make a
spot up
for it
send out
the RSVP
don’t expect
or
fixate
on it
don’t read
too much
into it
(you will)
patiently
wait
for it
to
stumble
home
snuggle in
next to you
only
if it
so chooses.
—
where’s
someone to
leave
the light on
for?
companion’d
security
and belonging.
unraveled sprawl
of legs and arms
on crisp
cool nights.
—
force me
out of
this box
and into
unknown.
explore with me
wild abandon
future
with a
light grasp.
making their
everything mine,
only once
rightfully
discovered.
—
revel in
their
workings
by virtue
of my own.
let them
never
hand me
anything
they
wouldn’t
be afraid
to watch
being
dissected.
—
be
patient
and expect
mirrored
flaws
with this
world;
contructed
and
intertwined
with
superficial
indignity.
—
