I Need Feminism Because Peeping Tom

The peeping tom
has taken up
running or biking

whatever it is
that requires
two-piece spandex
body suits

and frequenting
my coffee shop

since I moved.

when I feel
his eyes on me
staring
as I sit at
my table,

or staring
as I enter
from a walk;

I would rather
take an
orangepeeler
to my skin,

leatherworking
an abaya from
my own flesh

then be
seen.

Blaine

i don’t
remember you
most of the time.

It was
2005, or 6

& you worked
at Starbucks.

I didn’t
remember
your name,
but you
knew mine.

you messaged me
on AIM, like
we did back then.

I was
inexperienced,
and you knew
just
what to say.

i didn’t
especially
like you,

but you had
a strong jaw
and my
expectations
were low

-if not,
nonexistent.

you invited
me over
to go in
your hot tub
late at night.

i arrived,
and you said
your father
was away
on business

but your
grandmother
was asleep,

so we’d,

“have to
be quiet.”

i didn’t know
what I wanted,

I was
only 15.

between
pleasureless
probing,

gasps
for air,

and tears

i thought,

“is this what
boys want?”

i learned how
to leave myself
that night;

revert my
consciousness
back into
safe headspace,

“this is what
boys want.”

Toxicity Didn’t Kill Me

i remember

it looked
like a
smashed
strawberry

when the
gynecologist
pryed the
tampon
out of me.

I was a
20 year old

Raped
in my
childhood
bedroom

by a boy who
used “i love you”‘s
like a
trojan horse.

three days
later,
I didn’t
remember.

trauma does
that to you
[even though
for some,
sexual assault
is a punch-line
these days].

lying back
Stirruped feet,

i was just
as surprised
as the doctor

who gutted
the rotten
tissue-soaked
cotten from me.

they told me,

“you should
have been
dead of
toxic shock.”

they couldn’t
see it, but,
a part
of me
was dead.

He ended
up cheating
on me

because I
withheld sex
from him.
[after the fact]

“Boys will be boys,”

Right?

Sexual Autonomy: Capitalistic “Free Market” Style

the subject
jailed in
her own
brain cell

is released
after a
near decade
Of rehabilitated
self-confinement.

“To any boy
who has never
been used
as pole, alone,

I welcome you.”

After a
lifetime of
prolonged
dis-value of
her pleasure,

and relentless
stealing of
her sex,

she locked
herself
in her
own head;

As inmate
and warden.

“Now that
I’m free,

Allow me
to
show you
around
these parts,”

she tempted.

“you know..
it just
doesn’t fit
quite
right..”

:yawning:

“..it does
nothing
for me.”

you can not
sway this
transaction

with tailored
grazes
and prods.

no sales
will make me
want
this item,
boss man.

i am sorry
consent
was not
factored
into your
profit margin.

sit in this
moment,

adjust now
from proof
of error’d
business plan.

“did you burn
Before reading
your own
return policy?”

here i am,

a customer,

returning
your offer
after
trying it on
A little.

“consider
this escort
off my
property
formal reminder:

rental
spaces

you try
setting up
shop inside;

feeling
confident
They will 

enrich your
bottom line

can end
contract
at any time.”


Farce

straight man uncomfortable with my bisexuality being mine.

Male friend
cracks
a joke
about

“[that thing]…
being
the tits”

I agree

“Yes,

the scenery
of
this game
IS
beautiful,
like
some tits.”

He
uncomfortably
chuckles,

Like,
It wasn’t
for him?

Like,
he didn’t know?
My sexuality

isn’t
just

for him?

Like?

All
women’s
sexuality
isn’t for men?

Like –

Like-ing women
isn’t

just

for men?

AND LIKE –
Mainstream
lesbian porn

is just
bored
friction

for a
male gaze,

SO LIKE –

how
could
he know??

And,

how

could I?

be
mad
at
him
for that?

#discoverWP