Blaine

i don’t
remember you
most of the time.

It was
2005, or 6

& you worked
at Starbucks.

I didn’t
remember
your name,
but you
knew mine.

you messaged me
on AIM, like
we did back then.

I was
inexperienced,
and you knew
just
what to say.

i didn’t
especially
like you,

but you had
a strong jaw
and my
expectations
were low

-if not,
nonexistent.

you invited
me over
to go in
your hot tub
late at night.

i arrived,
and you said
your father
was away
on business

but your
grandmother
was asleep,

so we’d,

“have to
be quiet.”

i didn’t know
what I wanted,

I was
only 15.

between
pleasureless
probing,

gasps
for air,

and tears

i thought,

“is this what
boys want?”

i learned how
to leave myself
that night;

revert my
consciousness
back into
safe headspace,

“this is what
boys want.”

Published by

oiseauxwords

I am bird, these are my words.

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