i don’t
remember you
most of the time.
It was
2005, or 6
& you worked
at Starbucks.
I didn’t
remember
your name,
but you
knew mine.
—
you messaged me
on AIM, like
we did back then.
I was
inexperienced,
and you knew
just
what to say.
i didn’t
especially
like you,
but you had
a strong jaw
and my
expectations
were low
-if not,
nonexistent.
you invited
me over
to go in
your hot tub
late at night.
—
i arrived,
and you said
your father
was away
on business
but your
grandmother
was asleep,
so we’d,
“have to
be quiet.”
i didn’t know
what I wanted,
I was
only 15.
—
between
pleasureless
probing,
gasps
for air,
and tears
i thought,
“is this what
boys want?”
i learned how
to leave myself
that night;
revert my
consciousness
back into
safe headspace,
“this is what
boys want.”
