Toxicity Didn’t Kill Me

i remember

it looked
like a
smashed
strawberry

when the
gynecologist
pryed the
tampon
out of me.

I was a
20 year old

Raped
in my
childhood
bedroom

by a boy who
used “i love you”‘s
like a
trojan horse.

three days
later,
I didn’t
remember.

trauma does
that to you
[even though
for some,
sexual assault
is a punch-line
these days].

lying back
Stirruped feet,

i was just
as surprised
as the doctor

who gutted
the rotten
tissue-soaked
cotten from me.

they told me,

“you should
have been
dead of
toxic shock.”

they couldn’t
see it, but,
a part
of me
was dead.

He ended
up cheating
on me

because I
withheld sex
from him.
[after the fact]

“Boys will be boys,”

Right?