defensive drugged dismembering

i had
that dream,
again;

where I’ve
been drugged.

I always
learn
After
the fact.

there is
nothing
I can do
now,
but wait.

then,
someone
is trying
to kill me.

sexual assault
PTSD
is always
fear
of being
caught,
again.

your mind
will not
let you
forget.

i have to
cut off
their limbs
with a knife

once
knocking
them
to the
ground.

[they can
always
reach me]

they grow
back together
if not
[sufficently]
sliced up.

my mind is
-familiar
in how
caught
vulnerabilty
feels.

last night
i told the
attackers,

“that’s not
fair-

-growing
back together
that way”

[like the
structure
was meant
to protect
you

inspite
of me]

“life isn’t
fair”

they reply.

Comments

4 comments on “defensive drugged dismembering”
  1. Thanks for sharing this piece of you. It’s so real and hits home with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oiseauxwords says:

      Thanks for all the support ūüôā it was a real dream, I’ve gotten more in the habit of writing those lately.

      Like

  2. intrudesite says:

    https://wordpress.com/post/intrudesite.wordpress.com/14116
    Why is writing poetry more therapeutic than prose in the after math of trauma , is a write up that you may enjoy.
    I empathize with your poem more than words can say.
    Thank you for the reblog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oiseauxwords says:

      I first saw this when I was half asleep. I’m sure someone’s written a theory about why that would be. I’m sure it has something to do with reclaiming autonomous voice in a way specific to your new establishing identity after trauma as a means of reclamation.

      Like

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